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Αίθουσα Υποδοχής / Πληροφορίες για τους πρωτοετείς / Re:Απορίες μιας ψαρωμένης πρωτοετούς...
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on: September 29, 2004, 20:12:43 pm
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Linda εδώ!!!:D Όπα παιδιά, έχω κλείσει και συμβόλαιο και δεν το ξέρω;;;!!! Πόσα παίρνω δηλαδή;! Αν μου κάνουν καλύτερη προσφορά μπορώ να το σπάσω; Και τι όρους έχει το συμβόλαιο;! Για πόσα χρόνια μιλάμε; 2+1 παράταση;! Θα μου δώσετε και φανέλα με ό,τι νούμερο θέλω εγώ;!:P Πάντως, πέρα απ'την πλάκα, Ενέργεια ή Τηλεπικοινωνίες σκέφτομαι, αλλά έχω καιρό ακόμη μπροστά μου! Και για να είμαι στο θέμα του thread, Michelle θα φας μια ψιλο-απογοήτευση στην αρχή αλλά μετά όλα θα στρώσουν, don't worry! Μα καλά, ειλικρινά δεν σου αρέσει ο Brad Pitt;! Εσένα και μια ακόμη έχω γνωρίσει που λέτε τέτοιο πράγμα! Εντάξει, κι εμένα δεν μ'αρέσουν οι ξανθοί (προτιμάω μεσογειακούς τύπους ), αλλά ο Brad μ'αρέσει!!!
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123
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Χαλαρή συζήτηση - κουβεντούλα / Χιούμορ - Ανέκδοτα - Φωτογραφίες / Re: Αστεία Κείμενα!!
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on: September 29, 2004, 14:37:49 pm
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Crazy ways to order a pizza!
- If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
- Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
- Order a Big Mac.
- Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
- Give them your address, exclaim, "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
- Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
- Answer their questions with questions.
- In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
- Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
- Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
- Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
- Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
- Ask what the order taker is wearing.
- Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
- Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
- If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
- Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
- Change your accent every three seconds.
- Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
- Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"
- Start your order with "I'd like. . . ". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."
- If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be 10.99 euros."
- Rent a pizza.
- Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
- Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"
- Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
- When they say, "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
- Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
- Ask to see a menu.
- Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
- Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
- Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
- Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
- Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"
- Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
- If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
- Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!"
- Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
- Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
- If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
- When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
- After ordering, say, "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
- Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."
- State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
- Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.
- When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
- Ask if you can sample their pizza.
- Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.
- Put them on hold.
- Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say, "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."
- Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
- When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't get it, do you?"
- When you?re given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
- When they say "Will that be all?? snicker and say, "We'll find out, won't we?"
- Ask how many animals were killed to make that pizza.
- Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say, "Please don't mention that word."
- Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.
- If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
- Order a steamed pizza.
- If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, say in your best pouty voice "Last guy let me do it."
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125
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Χαλαρή συζήτηση - κουβεντούλα / Χιούμορ - Ανέκδοτα - Φωτογραφίες / Re: Αστεία Κείμενα!!
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on: September 29, 2004, 14:05:58 pm
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Universal truths
- Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
- At the end of every party there is always someone crying.
- You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
- Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
- Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
- Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
- You never know where to look when eating a banana.
- Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a ball.
- You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
- Everyone has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
- Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
- You never ever run out of salt.
- There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
- People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
- Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
- You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
- The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
- There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 10.
- There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
- People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
- If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and he decides to deliver a message to humanity, he will NOT use as his messenger a person on TV with a bad hairstyle or in some cases, really bad make-up too.
- When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
- In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
- No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
- The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
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126
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Χαλαρή συζήτηση - κουβεντούλα / Χιούμορ - Ανέκδοτα - Φωτογραφίες / Χαζοί νόμοι made in USA!
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on: September 29, 2004, 13:47:16 pm
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1. LAW: It is illegal to transport a skunk across state lines. COUNTRY: USA / STATE: Tennessee CITATION: Unlawful importation of skunks - Penalty. 2. LAW: It is illegal to taunt someone for refusing to participate in a duel. COUNTRY: USA / STATE: West Virginia CITATION: Taunting for nonparticipation in duel; penalty. 3. LAW: There is a one-dollar fine for every instance of public drunkenness and/or swearing. COUNTRY: USA / STATE: West Virginia CITATION: Profane swearing and drunkenness; penalty. 4. LAW: It is illegal to require someone to purchase a horror comic book. COUNTRY: USA / STATE: California CITATION: Requiring purchase of horror comic book as condition to sale or consignment of magazine or other publication. 5. LAW: It is required by law that you make a loud noise when passing a car on the left. COUNTRY: USA / STATE: Rhode Island CITATION: Overtaking on left. 6. LAW: It is illegal for a bingo game to last longer than five hours, unless the bingo is being played at a fair. COUNTRY: USA / STATE: North Carolina CITATION: Limit on sessions. 7. LAW: A man may not seduce a woman by lying, and claiming he will marry her. COUNTRY: USA / STATE: Mississippi CITATION: Seduction of female over age of eighteen by promised or pretended marriage. 8. LAW: One must not collect seaweed. COUNTRY: USA / STATE: New Hampshire CITATION: FISH AND GAME GENERAL PROVISIONS AS TO FISH AND GAME Collecting Seaweed
9. LAW: It is illegal to wear a bulletproof vest while committing a murder. COUNTRY: USA / STATE: New Jersey CITATION: Unlawful use of body vests.
10. LAW: Unless a customer orders it specifically, it's against the law to serve margarine instead of butter at a restaurant. COUNTRY: USA / STATE: Wisconsin CITATION: Illegal use of margarine.
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127
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Χαλαρή συζήτηση - κουβεντούλα / Χιούμορ - Ανέκδοτα - Φωτογραφίες / Πως να κάνετε ευτυχισμένη-ο μια γυναίκα/έναν άντρα!
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on: September 29, 2004, 13:42:23 pm
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Για να κάνεις μία γυναίκα ΕΥΤΥΧΙΣΜΕΝΗ, χρειάζεται ΜΟΝΟ να είσαι : 1. φίλος 2. σύντροφος 3. εραστής 4. αδερφός 5. πατέρας 6. δάσκαλος 7. εκπαιδευτής 8. θεραπευτής 9. σεξολόγος 10. γυναικολόγος / μαιευτήρας 11. ψυχολόγος 12. ψυχίατρος 13. μάγειρας 14. ξυλουργός 15. υδραυλικός 16. μπογιατζής 17. κηπουρός 18. μηχανικός 19. διακοσμητής 20. πολύ καθαρός 21. καλός πατέρας 22. οργανωτικός 23. αποφασιστικός 24. συγκαταβατικός 25. ανεκτικός 26. ριψοκίνδυνος 27. τολμηρός 28. προσεκτικός 29. ζωηρός 30. ήρεμος 31. αθλητικός 32. δυνατός 33. ικανός 34. φιλόδοξος 35. δημιουργικός 36. έξυπνος 37. στοργικός 38. ιπποτικός 39. παθιασμένος 40. περιποιητικός 41. γλυκός 42. συμπαθητικός 43. εμπιστευτικός 44. να μη δημιουργείς πολλά προβλήματα 45. να λατρεύεις το shopping 46. να είσαι πολύ ( ή έστω αρκετά? ) πλούσιος 47. να μην είσαι βάρος 48. να μη κοιτάς τις άλλες Παράλληλα θα πρέπει να προσέχεις να : 49. να μην είσαι ζηλιάρης αλλά ούτε και αδιάφορος 50. να τα πηγαίνεις καλά με την οικογένειά της αλλά να μην αφιερώνεις περισσότερο χρόνο στους συγγενείς απ? ότι σε εκείνη 51. να της δίνεις " χώρο " αλλά και να δείχνεις ανήσυχος για το πού ήταν και πού πάει Επίσης είναι πολύ σημαντικό : 52.να μην ξεχνάς ΠΟΤΕ τις ημερομηνίες : - των επετείων (γάμου, γνωριμίας, κλπ) - της γιορτής της - των γενεθλίων (τα δικά της και της μητέρας της) - τις περιόδους της Δυστυχώς, ακόμα και αν ακολουθήσεις πιστά τις παρα-πάνω οδηγίες, αυτό δεν σου εξασφαλίζει το 100% της ευ-τυχίας σας, γιατί εκείνη θα μπορούσε να νιώσει κατα-πιεσμένη από μία ζωή αποπνικτικά τέλεια και να το σκά-σει με τον πρώτο - λεβεντομάγκα - μεθύστακα boheme - μορφονιό yappie - σεσημασμένο bon viveur που θα συναντήσει στον δρόμο της τυχαία, μία αποφράδα ημέρα ...... B. ΠΩΣ ΝΑ ΚΑΝΕΙΣ ΕΥΤΥΧΙΣΜΕΝΟ ΕΝΑΝ ΑΝΔΡΑ 1. να του κάθεσαι 2. να μη του τη σπας τέλος. (Αστειευόμαστε βέβαια! )
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128
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Χαλαρή συζήτηση - κουβεντούλα / Τηλεόραση - Ραδιόφωνο / TV serials
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on: September 29, 2004, 13:16:33 pm
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Τι σειρές βλέπετε στην TV (ή στο DVD τελοσπάντων); Κάντε και σχόλια για όποιες θέλετε! Εγώ προτιμώ "Friends", "Sex & the city", "Law & order", "CSI - στον τόπο του εγκλήματος", "Simpsons", "X-Files", "Alias" (αν και το σενάριο μπάζει από παντού - αλλά έχει δράση), "Largo Winch", "Sopranos" και γενικά ξένες σειρές - οι ελληνικές οι περισσότερες είναι ολίγον κοτσάνες και αλλάζουν και κάθε χρόνο. Πέρσι π.χ. έβλεπα "7 θανάσιμες πεθερές" (συνεχίζεται και φέτος) και "Σαββατογεννημένες". Και μια που είμαστε στο θέμα, για όσους έβλεπαν "24", το οποίο ήταν πολύ καλό, να μη στεναχωριούνται που το έκοψαν γιατί στο τέλος καταντάει τελείως πατάτα!!! Γίνονται όλο κάτι κουλά και στο τέλος το πρόσωπο που αποκαλύπτεται πως είναι ο προδότης (δε λέω ποιος είναι για όσους θέλουν να το δουν) απλά δεν μπορεί να είναι, γιατί γνώριζε πληροφορίες μόνο αυτό τις οποίες θα μπορούσε να μη τις δώσει στους υπόλοιπους για να τους καθυστερήσει αλλά παρ'όλα αυτά τις δίνει... Έτσι είναι οι προδότες;! ???
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